Sarcastic Fitness Fan Gifts

The Joe Whiskers' Workout

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

On the back of the t-shirt...

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

"I could catch a bicyclist, well maybe not a bicyclist, but I could catch a jogger, definitely."

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

Executive gym with briefcases for weights.

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."

Sisyphus during Covid

Exercise Bars

"I run around this high school track every morning."

Reasonableman

An old man exercising with hourglasses

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

Old Karate Master

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

Robber on treadmill

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Oh boy, lucky you were there: I was cramping up. I need a few minutes rest if you don't mind...

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"Let's see if mom likes that super comfortable yoga mat we bought her."

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

'I think dad's getting fitter. I couldn't hear him wheezing until he turned the corner today.'