Sarcastic Sports Fan Gifts

'Look here Frobisher, you've adhered to the rules. You haven't cheated, self-aggrandised or whined about money. That's rather unsportsmanlike of you.'

"I wouldn't come to watch this rubbish every week, If I wasn't their manager."

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Alternative fielding positions

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Monster Baseball

The Unsportables: Relay

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Footballer and Bacteria.

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Men working (part time).

"It floated. I want my money back."

Deregulated Baseball

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

'Let go of the pole!'

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

The 'twice twirl surprise' seamer

The McKinsey conjoined quintuplets find their niche."

"Do you want me to empty the ashtray over your head now?"

A bowls player bowling a bomb

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

'Team spirit, my ass.'