Sarcastic Banter Gifts

#1 Jerk-off

Redhead

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'He lost his whistle,'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

Men Not Working.

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

'Hey, Henderson, still got your brains in your butt? Ha! Ha!'

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."

"Med school was a blast."

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

Big Brother.