Sarcasm Sniper Pillows

Customer Disservice

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

German Expressionist Breakfast

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

The Snarky District

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Czarcasm

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'The Burrito King.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"I lettered in spelling."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."