Sarcasm Sommeliers Pillows

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

The Snarky District

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Czarcasm

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

"Sigh...Another sherry Harold...Go team ect."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"