Culinary Sarcasm Lover Pillows

'Oops. I just lost my sense of humor.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Let's consider an early dive."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Czarcasm

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

The Snarky District

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'