Sarcasm Sniper Prints

Customer Disservice

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

German Expressionist Breakfast

"Let's consider an early dive."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Czarcasm

The Snarky District

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

'The Burrito King.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I lettered in spelling."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'