Santa Impersonator Pillows

'Trick or treat.'

"I told you, Nick...someone your age shouldn't be haulin heavy sacks up and down chimneys!"

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

Cranston called in sick ... said he's got the 'Bah, Humbug'.'

'I just love the holidays. It's such a happy time of year!'

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

"I want to cancel my 3 o'clock and my 4 o'clock, and oh! I want to cancel my 1:30!"

'The first Santa to consume one thousand warm beers and one thousand pieces of fruit cake without barfing wins the Santa apprenticeship!'

"Yes,I know that Santa is traditionally on the large side. But we'd like ours to be able to get into the store!"

"No, I'm not the real Santa. I'm a Santa tribute artist."

'A woman can't do your job because women don't have beards?? HA! You should have known my mother!'

"I want my job back."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

Karaoke night.

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"

The other days of the year...

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

It's more than a mike!

Santa Elevator

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

'I mind my mother, and I do my lessons, and I'm here for the quid pro quo.'

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

'Nine years after the conclusion of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Gollum reveals how he wins Steve Buscemi look-alike contests.'

Lew Yomp Jr: Investment Counselor & Elvis Look Alike.

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

"Enough with the medical jargon! Just give it to me in English, Doc, with a Christopher Walken accent!"

Poovis: Half poodle/ Half Elvis.

To make ends meet Santa becomes an Uber driver. Miami Beach, please!

Twelvis

Don't fly and text.

Santa asks man if cholesterol is naught or nice.