Santa Claus Impersonator Pillows

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

Unemployment office: Dec. 26th.

Claus 2.0

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

Ants dressed as businessmen going to work.

"I don't believe in you!"

Yo ho ho!

Bee costume

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'So that's why I didn't get that train set? !'.

It's more than a mike!

"I believe I you, Bigfoot."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

"I don’t know, honey – sort of makes you look like a blockhead."

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

'Trick or treat.'

"If you need anything just wink."

Mall Santa's Anonymous: 'Holidays are always the hardest - especially Christmas.'

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

"Enough with the medical jargon! Just give it to me in English, Doc, with a Christopher Walken accent!"

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

Then laughing aloud, seeming contento, he turned like a flash and was gone el viento.

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

Santa relaxes by Fire

"I want my job back."

Post-Season's Greetings: 'Y'know...a month ago, everyone was all, 'Let me buy you a drink, Santa!' Now suddenly it's, 'Who's the little weirdo in the red suit?'...'

Men/Women/Santa.

"He cares what everyone wants for Christmas except me!"