Santa Impersonator Gifts

'Trick or treat.'

"I told you, Nick...someone your age shouldn't be haulin heavy sacks up and down chimneys!"

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

Cranston called in sick ... said he's got the 'Bah, Humbug'.'

'I just love the holidays. It's such a happy time of year!'

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

"I want to cancel my 3 o'clock and my 4 o'clock, and oh! I want to cancel my 1:30!"

'The first Santa to consume one thousand warm beers and one thousand pieces of fruit cake without barfing wins the Santa apprenticeship!'

"Yes,I know that Santa is traditionally on the large side. But we'd like ours to be able to get into the store!"

"No, I'm not the real Santa. I'm a Santa tribute artist."

'A woman can't do your job because women don't have beards?? HA! You should have known my mother!'

"I want my job back."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

It's more than a mike!

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

The other days of the year...

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"

'I mind my mother, and I do my lessons, and I'm here for the quid pro quo.'

Santa Elevator

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"Enough with the medical jargon! Just give it to me in English, Doc, with a Christopher Walken accent!"

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

Don't fly and text.

Santa asks man if cholesterol is naught or nice.

'I'm glad that's over! After the last six weeks in the store, I'm never gonna have any kids!'

S&M woman has hung up stockings and put milk and cookies on the floor for Santa in a dogbowl

North Pole Adult Toy Testing Lab

"Seen my Brad Pitt mask?"

'All right, Dad -- what did you do with the body?!'

A patrolman pulls over a nude man on a motorcycle who is wearing angel wings and a snorkelmask. says:' Late for your baptism eh?.... .'