Actor (santa Impersonator) Gifts

'I'm glad that's over! After the last six weeks in the store, I'm never gonna have any kids!'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

It's more than a mike!

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"

The other days of the year...

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

Lion Costume

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

'I mind my mother, and I do my lessons, and I'm here for the quid pro quo.'

Santa Elevator

'Trick or treat.'

Plankton impersonator gets stuck in a whale.

"It's sad watching his desperate attempts to stay relevant."

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

"Enough with the medical jargon! Just give it to me in English, Doc, with a Christopher Walken accent!"

"Tonight Mathew, I'm going to be, Charlotte Church"

Owl

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

"I want my job back."

"Actually, I've begun to look like he wishes he looked."

Farm Humor.

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

Don't fly and text.