Sanitization Satirist Gifts

Everything Has Been Sanitized For Your Safety

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

'Still think nuclear testing is harmless?'

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"I have an exclusive license agreement with Pfizer Pharmaceutical."

'Einstein's blackboard as he left it'

Publisher. "The Laws of Motion " is a little dry for a title, Mr. Newton. How about something catchier like "When Push Comes to Shove"?

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

The little engine that delegated

Merry Christmas

Try our new genetically engineered produce.

Attack Of The Guy From The Other Room

'Do you ever wonder if we'll evolve into creationists?'

"You see, honey, no lousy coronavirus is gonna get to us way out here."

"Say, do you have time between all that DNA research to invent a non-smelly sock."

Govt. UK led by Seance

"The figures would seem to indicate that you're not really a scientist."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"Doctor. I am speechless"

Taken genetic engineering too far

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.