Sanitization Satirist Gifts

Everything Has Been Sanitized For Your Safety

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

'Still think nuclear testing is harmless?'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"I have an exclusive license agreement with Pfizer Pharmaceutical."

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

The little engine that delegated

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

Merry Christmas

"The figures would seem to indicate that you're not really a scientist."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

'Do you ever wonder if we'll evolve into creationists?'

Govt. UK led by Seance

"Say, do you have time between all that DNA research to invent a non-smelly sock."

Attack Of The Guy From The Other Room

"You see, honey, no lousy coronavirus is gonna get to us way out here."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Taken genetic engineering too far

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

If Sir Issac Newton and William Tell were brothers, gravity would never have been discovered.