Sanitizer Satirist Gifts

"Don't drink that, it's hand santizer."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

The prying mantis,

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

Flu vaccine.

The little engine that delegated

Statue of Liberty and Hand Sanitizer

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"I'm after the history section."

Inhospitality tent.

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

"All the better to ignore you with."

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Social distance queue starts here

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

Wine tasters...

'Now boarding all passengers in the middle class.'

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

"Thank God!"

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

'The Human Comedy needs a laugh track.'

Department of Sanitation: In Bin and Out Bin.

'I've got a really important meeting today, so give me something that will get me so drunk no one will want to mess with me.'

'Short brown hair. Very cuddly, good in bed.'