Salon Chuckler Gifts

'I dunno. Looks like some kind of milking machine but she's wearing it all wrong.'

What price beauty?

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"The cookies are always stale."

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Shakespeare makes much ado about nothing.

I can't do anything with my hair. It doesn't like to go to movies or concerts, or play games. It's just really dull.

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"It's weeder's elbow."

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

Washing Massive Cup.

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

'Hey buddy, what happened to your hair?'

'Bless you!'

'They've been hitting the blocking sled three times as hard since I put up that bust of that nut-job business teacher, Mrs. Sisk.'

'I say we rendition the snow to Guantanamo!'

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

What your acoustic guitar says about you

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"The preceding PBS program was funded by do-gooders...not by freeloaders like yourself."

'Curses on historical perspective.'