Sales Star Gifts

'How are we going to achieve our goal this year?'

"Not just rocks--tools!"

'Welcome to the rat race.'

'I just love to watch you get the sales staff fired up, Johnson.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

They where the magnificent Seven of Sales. But two of them were off sick that day.

"Your orders are burning up the system. I love it!"

"He wins every year -- the man could sell an annuity to a mayfly."

Soaring Profits

"Hmm.... now I hadn't noticed THAT before..."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Larry's used art

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"