Sales Meeting Survivor Gifts

"Now, if you all could make your way downstairs, we'll continue to look at these sales figures."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Lethal Presentation

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

Meeting not going well?"

Unsuccessful board meeting.

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

violence in workplace

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"It's hard to manage a staff meeting in a company whose employees all have laser pointers."

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

There's a real disconnect going on here.

"Now the first thing you have to do is to get a client's attention."

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

The Department of Lessons Learned...