Sales Pitch Survivor Gifts

'Gee, looks like I'm all out of worms. YOu want to buy a boat?'

'The beauty of this model is that it can easily be reassembled.'

With the aid of a technical dictionary Colin was finally able to make sense of what the salesman was saying.

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

"In layman's terms, it's £12,750."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

Despite the economic downturn, sales are as good as ever.

'And in conclusion.'

'Sell South Africa!'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

The company's marketing strategy became increasingly sophisticated.

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

I'm more than just a sauce, I'm a re-sauce.

"Your body language says you've lost interest."

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

'I tell you, Angela, there's no sight sadder than a desperate adhesives salesman...'

Look at these silly doorbuster promos for flat-screens and webcams. So? Tree's Trees. I'm not battling Black Friday traffic for a few bucks off junk I don't want. I hope someone does. I'm offering half off poinsettias for the first 25 customers. Tree's Tree Nursery. They're my gatebusters. Junk plants no one really wants.

'You want to run that by me again?'

"It's as though everything nice about you had been just some kind of introductory offer."

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"Standard equipment includes the Manual Anti-Collision Sonic Warning System...otherwise known as the horn."

Bored Meeting

"He's a genius at product placement."

"Before I begin my summation, ladies and gentlemen of the jury... have you considered the benefits of a reverse mortgage."

"Now I know many of you still have questions about reverse mortgages...."

Nethead strip: Sale.com

"Fabulous! Marvellous! The kind of job that only comes along once in a lifetime!"

'Setting a low bar helps us to consistently exceed our expectations.'