Sale Sign Survivor Gifts

Man glued to a shop window under a huge 'Closing down sale' poster

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

What price beauty?

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

Dieting Motivation.

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

"The originator of the office birthday party."

'I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people.'

You know retail is in a bad way when...

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

Dadonomics

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

Let's talk about the weather.

"I hate this time of year..."

Why are you here?

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

'I don't need a rewards program for my customers, as much as I do a blind faith program for them.'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

'Gee, looks like I'm all out of worms. YOu want to buy a boat?'

"The tiny one treats the symptoms. The big one treats the side effects."

'The good news is the airline was trying to skimp on fuel, and no terrorists were involved.'t

'No giving-up smoking in the workplace.'

You're too young to be worrying about SAT tests. But I have to score well to get a good job someday. In the real world, no one hires people who're only good at multiple choice questions. Actually, Nana

The Store That's All Closed-Up

'The thin person inside you seems to have developed a serious case of claustrophobia.'

Going out of Business Sale! Our 10th Consecutive Year!

"Get a move on, my tranquillizer is wearing off!"