Salary Soothsayer Gifts

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Pie Filling Reader

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

I predict a huge fall followed by a lucrative job offer with a major cake baking company.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist pump."

End of world nigh!!!

Protesting man's sign reveals that his credit has run out.

'The recurring poor enrollment prognostications plays havoc with our school district's budget. What will next year's enrolment be.'

The Circle.

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

European Stock Analyst

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

Palm Top Readings

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods

'What if we don't change at all ... and something magical just happens?'

'Your shares are doing well... No wait, they're falling, no they're rising, no falling and rising...'

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

'I met my husband at one of these conventions. You could say it was love at second sight.'

"Today the Federal Reserve announced interest rates will stay the same, but hemlines will rise."

Greece & EU

"With Crystal Protect, we'll monitor your crystal ball to prevent the hack and theft of your clients' fortunes."

'In the future I see much spam and many people with a blog.'

'But will you still respect me in the morning?'

'I see your future ... it's gonna be a riot!'

It's just going to continue and continue.