Salary Soothsayer T-Shirts

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Pie Filling Reader

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

Protesting man's sign reveals that his credit has run out.

End of world nigh!!!

"I'm on Facebook, dear. Do we want to friend this revolution?"

I predict a huge fall followed by a lucrative job offer with a major cake baking company.

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist pump."

'The recurring poor enrollment prognostications plays havoc with our school district's budget. What will next year's enrolment be.'

The Circle.

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods

European Stock Analyst

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

Palm Top Readings

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

'What if we don't change at all ... and something magical just happens?'

'Your shares are doing well... No wait, they're falling, no they're rising, no falling and rising...'

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

Greece & EU

"Today the Federal Reserve announced interest rates will stay the same, but hemlines will rise."

'I met my husband at one of these conventions. You could say it was love at second sight.'

"With Crystal Protect, we'll monitor your crystal ball to prevent the hack and theft of your clients' fortunes."

'In the future I see much spam and many people with a blog.'

'I see your future ... it's gonna be a riot!'

'But will you still respect me in the morning?'