Salad Improvisor Gifts

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

'Diet considerations.'

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

The Perfect Garden.

'Are you sure you washed this salad?'

"All I could find was this butternut squash."

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

'No, I said 'sit'.'

"Now hold on just a minute! Salad - fine! Chick flix - fine! But I draw the line on video games!"

All you can eat salad bar has lifetime price.

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

"You know, Mark, your tabouli salad makes us look bad."

Gustav Mahler orders a salad.

"You're not being punished, Kenny...Salad is what we're having for dinner."

'One businessman's lunch and one secretary's salad.'

'Dear, what if tonight I add watercress, sorrel and purslane to our salad