Salad Improvisor Gifts

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'Diet considerations.'

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

The Perfect Garden.

"All I could find was this butternut squash."

'Are you sure you washed this salad?'

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

All you can eat salad bar has lifetime price.

'No, I said 'sit'.'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

"You know, Mark, your tabouli salad makes us look bad."

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

Gustav Mahler orders a salad.

'Dear, what if tonight I add watercress, sorrel and purslane to our salad

'One businessman's lunch and one secretary's salad.'

"You're not being punished, Kenny...Salad is what we're having for dinner."

Tomatoes in the form of Toes