Salad Bar Aficionado Gifts

"'One Trip Per Person', read the sign above the salad bar. Luckily for Dan, he had cheek pouches."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Tell them we only have romaine!"

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

"Anybody who doesn't like our one-party system can go to Russia!"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'Diet considerations.'

Last Chance For Reality

Chef picking salad leaves from a hanging basket outside his restaurant.

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"I needed that. It's a swamp out there."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"You're talking politics? Take it outside or online, but not here!"

'How about a nice saloon?'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet