Safety Report Humor Gifts

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

Fire door.

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

Beware of Everything

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

Living life dangerously 2010.

Athlete

'I baked it especially for you.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Security at the Smaller Airports

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

Climb to Safety in Case of Alien Invasion

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

'They say these vans are unsafe when fully loaded, so we're only going to allow 50 of you in at a time.'