Health And Safety Humor Gifts

'Man, it's dark down here. Joey, strike a match so we can find that leaky gas line.'

"Now THAT's what I call a papercut!"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Safety Barriers

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

Stuffed animal head falls on man.

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

'Get back...there's a thermometer in that filing cabinet that could leap out, smash on the floor and give someone a mild headache.'

'The bad news is you've got something no one's ever heard of...the good news is we're naming it after you!'

Caution Falling Rocks

CITY CLINIC: 'I want to see whichever doctor is the fattest.'

Floor Wet When Slippery

Dual Airbags

"I did a risk assessment of the dangers of not doing a risk assessment, and decided it wasn't worth it."

Gingerbread man in Emergency room.

Egyptians stuck in position line up to see the chiropractor.

"Has anyone in your family ever had a history of exercise?"

'They might satisfy Health and Safety, but I still think the Hi-Vis jackets send a mixed message.'

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

"You know, the hardest thing is getting them to admit they don't have a problem!"

"Rodent droppings? Hey! We were wondering where they'd got to!"

'I took a short cut.'

'Let's talk about the best way to use nicotine patches.'