Health And Safety Humorist Gifts

'I can't get the childproof cap off.'

Office Safety - Fire Escape Practice.

Health and Safety

'Get back...there's a thermometer in that filing cabinet that could leap out, smash on the floor and give someone a mild headache.'

'Good Heavens, man, you look like an accident waiting to happen.'

'I told you Ralph was crazy to go for a header.'

'I can't pass it as a dwellable cave unless you get yourself a rollable boulder to reduce your heat loss. '

"Chasing lures and fighting fishermen is all fun and games until someone gets a hook in the eye."

Beware of the ?

"It almost makes you want to actually look behind you to see what he's so panicked about."

"This seems like a bad idea."

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

Medieval message

'I'm not riding on that thing...no seatbelts...no air bags...It's a death trap!'

'Ooops Sorry!'

'Why do you have safety decals on your mirror, Ma?'

'Tch!'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

Wordplay: Skid Row.

'Get back...the bag of nuts may contain nuts!'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'