Safety Prepper Gifts

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

S.O.S. vaccine

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Holiday Gifts 2020

Disasters

Emergency Underpants

'I keep them around for unruly octopi, or giant radioactive spiders... you know, just in case.'

We can't call an ambulance. He doesn't allow personal calls on company time.

Trick or Treatment.

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

Fire Assembly Point

D.I.Y ladder

"It would be unwise to attend an interview without doing any preparation in advance.

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

In case of fire call yourself.

Safe harbour

'I'm taking no chances.'

Hazmat suit

Sourdough starter. Mask-making supplies. Everything else

Chicken Noodle sold out.

Helicopter Rescues.