Professional Prepper Gifts

"It would be unwise to attend an interview without doing any preparation in advance.

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Zombie Problems

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

The End is Nigh

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

Prepper Dog

S.O.S. vaccine

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Holiday Gifts 2020

'I keep them around for unruly octopi, or giant radioactive spiders... you know, just in case.'

Disasters

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

Trick or Treatment.

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

Fire Assembly Point

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

'You don't have much of a work history, do you, Mr. Laren?'

"The asteroid will hit in 2032, but I’m prepared!"

"You say your biggest faults are working too hard and blind loyalty to your employer. What do you take me for… An idiot?"