Prepper Extraordinaire Gifts

"I have an evacuation plan that includes Roger and one that does not include Roger."

Preparing for the Apocalypse Line

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Zombie Problems

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

The End is Nigh

Prepper Dog

S.O.S. vaccine

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Holiday Gifts 2020

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Emergency Underpants

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

Disasters

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

Trick or Treatment.

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

When a nanosecond is forever.

"Every time Trump wins a primary, we get one step closer."

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

"It would be unwise to attend an interview without doing any preparation in advance.

"Actually, I will have fries with that."

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."

"The asteroid will hit in 2032, but I’m prepared!"

'I've been carrying these placards around for over twenty years! It's about time!'