Safety-first Traveler Gifts

'Some place rich in historic and spiritual tradition, but sniper free.'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

"I always like to have plenty of 'walking around' nuts."

'He swallowed a warning label!'

At Travel Agent - "We're interested in a no-diarrhea itinery."

'It says, 'Get back on the tour bus'.'

Texting kills

"At this time I'd like to ask you to remain calm, fasten your seat belt and flap your arms just as fast as you can."

Roadwork ahead: Proceed cautiously and from love rather than negativity.

'O.K, Everyone let's do some yoga!'

Budget airline charging extra for an oxygen tank.

I'm sorry, sir, the body scanner doesn't work at the moment. Would you please undress and lie down here?'

'How long were you safety officer at the nuclear reactor?'

The modern American airport

'Something's come up that isn't covered in the security guard's handbook.'

'... And as you're a health and safety officer, we'll rule out anyone who says they 'like to live dangerously'.'

'How about that -- thw weather service and the economic forecast have both issued travel warnings.'

"We'd prefer the sort of place where we won't catch any disfiguring diseases or be killed by fanatics."

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

"I don't think it's safe to travel yet"

"Can you suggest some place where the dollar goes far but they don't want to kill us?"

Opt Out of Body Scans and Pat Downs - Fly Nude.

'The Boston Marathon has changed everything.'

'I was less stressed before we came on holiday.'

Two firemen hosing a blaze in a christmas tree.

'I'm writing you a ticket because your belt isn't buckled.'

London only $59 (1/8 of the way)

'Whose odds would be better if we took separate planes?'

Examine the tires...

"That's a service they offer for parents traveling on vacation with their kids."

"Don't worry, in the case of an accident the pilot is the first on the scene."

Stained Glass Airplane Window

'Would you like the £40 room or the £60 room? The £60 room has a free telly.'

Don't forget to pack your Kevlar bikini...only kidding.