Careful Traveler Gifts

"We'd prefer the sort of place where we won't catch any disfiguring diseases or be killed by fanatics."

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

"I didn't know it was poison ivy. It didn't have any warning labels."

Stonehenge Books

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

A cow is trying to hitchhike away from the slaughterhouse.

Mexican Dog

"I have this nagging feeling we've forgotten something..."

'Couldn't you plant your tree before you fly?'

During a snowfall, it's always best to slow down a bit.

'I'd like to play, but I'm afraid it might void my warranty.'

"I just remembered... I forgot to turn off the sink."

"On reflection, it might be prudent to leave this one till last..."

Them/ Us

'Would you mind holding my hand Jim? The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of flying.'

At Travel Agent - "We're interested in a no-diarrhea itinery."

Product Recall (aeroplane)

Texting kills

"They say there's no cannibalism on the island, but they're willing to give it a try."

Height barrier accident.

'You should try to be more spontaneous.' 'I shall. When I'm good and ready.'

Excess Baggage: The conception of electronic ticketing still has a few airline passengers spooked.

"Nothing beats going abroad to discover new types of cheese: you have to try Camel Cheese!"

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

Migration to the Netherlands

Budget airline charging extra for an oxygen tank.

Freeway exits: Should, Woulda, Coulda.

I'll try searching 'Disabled Dining'.

'I don't think he is a confident flyer.'

Carl's Glass- Bottom Bus Tours

Drink Driving

'Better slow it down a bit.'

"I wish they had untamed-rage detectors."