Safety-first Traveler Pillows

'Some place rich in historic and spiritual tradition, but sniper free.'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

"I always like to have plenty of 'walking around' nuts."

'He swallowed a warning label!'

At Travel Agent - "We're interested in a no-diarrhea itinery."

'It says, 'Get back on the tour bus'.'

Texting kills

"At this time I'd like to ask you to remain calm, fasten your seat belt and flap your arms just as fast as you can."

Roadwork ahead: Proceed cautiously and from love rather than negativity.

I'm sorry, sir, the body scanner doesn't work at the moment. Would you please undress and lie down here?'

'How long were you safety officer at the nuclear reactor?'

Immodiu, Ibruprofen, Clarityn, Sudofed, Paracetemol, Nurofen, Rennies, Diareze... - 'What are you doing?' - 'Packing for my holiday to Egypt.' - 'How ill are you planning on being, exactly?' - 'Ah, that reminds me... can I borrow a bucket from you for a

'O.K, Everyone let's do some yoga!'

Budget airline charging extra for an oxygen tank.

The modern American airport

'Something's come up that isn't covered in the security guard's handbook.'

'... And as you're a health and safety officer, we'll rule out anyone who says they 'like to live dangerously'.'

Two firemen hosing a blaze in a christmas tree.

'The Boston Marathon has changed everything.'

'I was less stressed before we came on holiday.'

'How about that -- thw weather service and the economic forecast have both issued travel warnings.'

"I don't think it's safe to travel yet"

"We'd prefer the sort of place where we won't catch any disfiguring diseases or be killed by fanatics."

Opt Out of Body Scans and Pat Downs - Fly Nude.

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

"Can you suggest some place where the dollar goes far but they don't want to kill us?"

'I'm writing you a ticket because your belt isn't buckled.'

London only $59 (1/8 of the way)

"That's a service they offer for parents traveling on vacation with their kids."

'I'm not taking any chances this time.'

Examine the tires...

"Don't worry, in the case of an accident the pilot is the first on the scene."

'Whose odds would be better if we took separate planes?'

Stained Glass Airplane Window

'Would you like the £40 room or the £60 room? The £60 room has a free telly.'