Sacred Shuffler Gifts

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Interior design trends for parents....

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

Yoga in Heaven

A cat composer

"How do you spell time management?"

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

'Ok, the cat's away. Time to play.'

Exercise for the end of the day...

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

The 'Time Management' consultant rang to say she double booked and she's going to be late!"

"This one starts the day here and usually finishes the day up here."

"Genesis" "*The King Gus Version"

"Around here they want things in triplicate."

'Click on the icon.'

Flexitime.

Can Jesus come out and pray?

If I ever end up dancing like that, please buy me a one way ticket to Switzerland.

"Shuffle Mode"

Magic Trick

'Well, if you don't like our rules then start your own denomination.'

Watch that always reads: 'Later'.

"I'm still righting wrongs. And you?

Procrastinators Anonymous