Rural Guardian Gifts

No trespassing. Violators will be shot. Survivors will be prosecuted

Farm Humor.

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"If you hold a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean..."

'Ok..Ok...I'm putting the lawnmower back in the shed!'

Solar Frankenstein

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

'I want to immortalise the area in a painting before it is changes for ever.' (Artist is scooped up by a digger.)

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Hold on. If we're free range, I don't think we should be crossing a toll road."

Bottled water straight from the Potomac, Congo and Ganges. Bottled waters that never had much market share.

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

Wembley Concert - Stop Global Warming

In the future, wars will be fought over water.

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

'The guy in the scarecrow shop promised me that nothing scares crows better than the 'Giant Fox XR50'.'

Beware of the Lawn

Earth Day Summit.

"You're not a police dog, and that's not a crime scene."

'You forgot the product label.'

Fly-fishing. - Favourable wind and the trout rising as fast as possible.

How can you be so sure this is Farmer Phillip's Farm?

Gertie, the tree climbing has to stop!

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

'Eye response, normal.' - Deer Physicals.

Last Reception for 200 Miles.

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Building in the countryside

'That's Thompson. Best goalie we've ever had.'

"Oh get over it. It's crocodile. We're alligators."

"Waiter, I'd like to have Black Rhino for dessert!"

'Happy birthday, dear -- it's a carbon offset!'

Bungee sodbustin'

Agricultural Testing Station: 'Over 3 Billion Compounds Tested.'

I see you've caught my honey robber.'