Runaway Philosopher Gifts

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"Could I ask just one question?"

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

Emergency Phone.

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

Young Galileo

'He's into Proust as only a child can be.'

"It's one thing for the National Commission to comment on the quality of teaching in our schools. It's another thing entirely for you to stand up and call Mr. Costello a yo-yo."

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

"I like to consider Third Grade as just another life hack."

Religion & Economics.

'Do you have anything for absent-mindedness?'

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

'There is NO way I can perform under that kind of pressure!'

'I hardly expected the federal tapering affect my allowance.'

'He's studying to go to university' - Student reading book; 'HOW TO LIVE ON NO MONEY'

Chicken: the one-man show

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

'I'm playing a crowd member in the Easter pageant. I was going to play Pilate 'til I found out I'd have to wash my hands.'

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"