Royal Protocol Officer Gifts

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

"It is we."

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

Reign Man

'A willingness to sacrifice yourself to bring 'peace and succor to the suffering' is all very well Mother Theresa but I don't think it makes up for your lack of knowledge of current hand sanitisation protocols.'

"Friend or foe?"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

The King In The Rain.

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

'From left to right: witchfinder general, jester jocular and spouse peculiar.'

'In order to be the king's permanent wine taster, you only have to be able to do 3 things: drink, swallow...and live.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

'I didn't mean to jest about your dictatorial leadership style.'

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

"It's from Henry VIII, sire. He's going to be in town and wants to know where the best hook-up spots are."

'AAAAGH! Oh, KNEEL! I thought you said my name - Neil!'

"Due to the financial state of the kingdom were turning the castle into a Bed & Breakfast & Ransom."

"I think perhaps the Minstrel Show doesn't hit quite the right tone."

'A whoopee cushion! — I'll bet Karl Rove is behind this somewhere!'

'So what else can you do, besides reign?'

"Well, if you're going to wiretap your people you are going to hear things."

'Nepotism may not be perfect, but it's the best system anybody's come up with so far.'

'Now that's an afro!'

'Sorry about the war, folks - I was off my meds.'

'Coming up! One meal, fit for a King!'

'There hasn't been an assassination attempt all week -- what are they up to out there?'

"I told you 'Attila' wasn't a girl's name."

King Charles III's coronation

'Although we've vanquished the invaders from Paperland, we really should have allied with them for the impending attack on us by Rockland!'

The Monarchy and the BBC