Royal Portrait Artist Gifts

'It would help if you took this portrait seriously, Your Majesty.'

Cariactures

"It is we."

Diego Velasquez

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

"Caricatures $20"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

Family Portrait Abuse.

Reign Man

'I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Couple painting each other - one turns to the other and says, 'Hon, let's hire a model.'

Street painter puts real face on man with happy face.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"Friend or foe?"

Artistic Licence.

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

Why does every kid want the wallet size? School picture, early days.

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

The King In The Rain.

"This painting will make you so famous that you won't be able to walk down the street without being recognised."

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

"now let's try one without the tusks."

Portrait artist drawing DNA patterns.

Caricatures priced by how much they look like you.

'Have you considered drawing other people?'

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

'If I don't like it, I rearrange your face.'

Artist and the artist's model both thinking of the money.

'From left to right: witchfinder general, jester jocular and spouse peculiar.'

"Here it comes!"

"I dreamed Lucian Freud was coming to paint us."

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'