Royal Guard Fan Gifts

"Best watchdog I ever had!"

"Son, that's a nasty looking hairy mole growing on top of your head."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'Now that's an afro!'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

King George I

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

Photos of Queen Elizabeth II

TV jester.

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

The Bearskin Hat Family

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'The King of what?'

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

The Unhappy King

'Of all the technological advances from the last 60 years, this is one's favourite.'

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

'Look, Carl, the glory days are over. You might want to slip into something a little more comfortable.'

'I never dreamed the 'equal work for equal pay' bill would apply to me!'

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

Royal Love

King and Jester

'Yes, he definitely wants something. . . maybe his crown and scepter.'

Cat king.

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'But, dear -- Lady Godiva is part of my diversity program!'