Royal Consultants Gifts

'Actually, I'm between reigns right now.'

"It is we."

King completes rubik's cube.

Reign Man

"Friend or foe?"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

'Charles Frederick and Camilla Gladys!'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

The King In The Rain.

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

'From left to right: witchfinder general, jester jocular and spouse peculiar.'

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

'Having conducted a comprehensive review of your business strategy and financial forecasts...'

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

'A whoopee cushion! — I'll bet Karl Rove is behind this somewhere!'

Box sold: 'I told you the property market was improving.'

"Due to the financial state of the kingdom were turning the castle into a Bed & Breakfast & Ransom."

"It's from Henry VIII, sire. He's going to be in town and wants to know where the best hook-up spots are."

Estate Agents

"I told you 'Attila' wasn't a girl's name."

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

'Coming up! One meal, fit for a King!'

'Nepotism may not be perfect, but it's the best system anybody's come up with so far.'

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

Prince William and Kate Middleton

'Although we've vanquished the invaders from Paperland, we really should have allied with them for the impending attack on us by Rockland!'

'Sorry about the war, folks - I was off my meds.'

King Charles III's coronation

Spain's former King Juan Carlos goes to go exile over scandals

"You might try avuncular."