Routine Loyalist Gifts

I came early. It's my first yoga in a year. Welcome! Go in and find a place! You're in my spot.

'Yessir, Ben us fly fisherman answer to a higher calling.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

When Someone Says Biden Sucks, You Are Supposed to Have a Good Answer

The Lives of the SaintsThis Week: Frieda Witherspoon

"I'd like to see you every Tuesday, forever."

Voter impatience.

"Holidays with the family... Boss, I'm so happy to be back again! May I do some unpaid extra hours please?"

Ball and Chain

Replica Football Merchandise

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

"He misses his commute ."

'What do you mean foul? I had a shower this morning!'

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

'Our dog's been dead two years but he can't break the habit!'

"Well, come to think of it, we are creatures of habit: Always migrating to the same place and stopping at the same spots on the way..."

My new trash pickup day is midweek, on Wednesday. Hump-day dump-day!

Plain ol' me.

Mountaineers milk.

You're supposed to just copy it. The Archbishop says to knock off the ad libs!

'I know it's an early kick off but this is ridiculous!'

Are we a bunch of losers? Who are you talking about? Me, Randy, Sadie, even you Uncle Mort – all of us cafe regulars. We've been hanging out at this place for years. I've been working here two decades. Do we have nowhere else to go? More powerful even than inertia: Any momentum killed by an uncompromising nap regimen. Zzzz.

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

"Today on the Godcast, what if I told you 'commandments' were more like 'suggestments?'"

"The way I see it, we lived like pigs in the eighties and, with any luck we'll continue to live like pigs throughout the nineties."

"It doesn't get any more low-maintenance than this!"

"Sir, are you sure you don't want to try anything else besides the fish for once?"

"A paperback?! Iv'e got hundreds of books saved on this."

"That's it! I'm giving up TV! Every single show is awesome! So now nothing is worth watching."

"We're out of chrysanthemum." "I ordered chrysanthemum tea. This is not chrysanthemum tea. This is chamomile." "I've had a chrysanthemum tea every day for the last 80 years, and I'm still alive and well." "Are you trying to kill me?" "Are all old folks this superstitious?" "Superstition's always worked in the past."

'Even the TV dinners are a repeat.'

The Republican Machine

'I have a rigid routine...sharpen pencils, organise desk, have writers block and start my nervous breakdown after lunch.'