Routine Contemplator T-Shirts

"Boy, time sure flies when every day is joyless and exactly the same."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'We may think 2012 is over, but history books are full of things we thought were over.'

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it — who cares?!"

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

'What did we do before green tea?'

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, Axel. Is that the good news or the bad news?

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'All the girls say the same thing. You're a sweet guy, but...'

"Oh, to be a Mayfly."

"As a single diner, you will be seated at an awkward table by the restrooms where your lonely presence won't bother other diners."

'I think I just blew my diet. Do you know what the glycemic index is for a communion host?'

We only go around once

'I have a rigid routine...sharpen pencils, organise desk, have writers block and start my nervous breakdown after lunch.'

"What a lot of people don't realize is that I actually enjoy an incredibly rich interior life."

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

'I used to get ecstatic whenever I saw him. Now it's more like ecstatic cling.'

Prayers For Agnostics

Miracle gro bird seed.

Death is just a side-effect of living.

In Isolation

'Sarah and her all-day muffin'

Is there anything worse than the aging process? The thing that comes after the aging process.

'You know there were 7,184 waves yesterday. That's just slightly more than usual. I think that's one of my favorite things about island life, there's always a surprise round the corner. What's your favorite thing, Ed?'

"Well, no, I wouldn't expect it to speak to you."

The Master Switch

A man on a beach watches an autumn leaf land on him.

Really? A date with me is like a religious experience? How so? It reminds me of snake-handling.

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

Introverts Anonymous

"Well, Mr. Dog Eat Dog, did you eat a dog today or did a dog eat you?"