Rough Avoider Gifts

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

Good News about winter

'I beat the 5 o'clock rush... I leave work at noon!'

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

Sawdust.

"Shouldn't you be studying?

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

L.A.: Still No Pro Football

'It's not flying I'm afraid of -- it's driving to the airport!'

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"Don't tell the boss, but I'm leaving early to beat the traffic."

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

'Unfortunately, Mr.Beckons, your son Dean is very allergic to grass. . .'

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

This Sportsman is 'Playing Through the Green'.

'The one thing I hate about summer - great big moths coming in at night.'

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

How to Tell when You're Asking for Directions from a NASCAR Fan: 'Make a left, then hang a left, take another left followed by a left...'

'I went to the city once, but I couldn't get used to the crowds'.

'Nature makes me nervous!'

Next time youwant to demonstrate Ronaldo's flying overhead kick to your nephew...use a pen and paper!

'Here! Call the contractor. I don't want to hear any nonsense about goals, or touchdowns, or baskets. I want to see shovels! Lots and lots of shovels!'

We'd like a very public table where she won't break up with me because she's afraid I'll make a scene. Menu. ? ?

'Careful, it might be a trap...'

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

Too posh to wash...

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

Virtual priority

'My dog ate my homework, so I couldn't study for the test. So, as his punishment, he'll be taking the test for me.'