Nature Avoider Gifts

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

'If that's the wild, I'm not in.'

Too posh to wash...

'Nature makes me nervous!'

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

Good News about winter

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

'I beat the 5 o'clock rush... I leave work at noon!'

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

"Cool bonfire app, man."

"I prefer the mountains to the beach. I feel like less of a cow.''

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

Evergreen Estates

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

L.A.: Still No Pro Football

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

You're right. Winter in Florida sounds better every year.

'My goodness, is it fall already, Ms. Smyrka?'

But, mom, I don't want to go to summer camp!

"Don't tell the boss, but I'm leaving early to beat the traffic."

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

Danger Signs.

"Apparently, my self-driving car doesn't like driving in the snow, because it took it upon itself to drive 1,200 miles to somewhere warm while I wasn't paying attention."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'Unfortunately, Mr.Beckons, your son Dean is very allergic to grass. . .'

Good parenting.

'No, it's true, I've never seen snow... I always seem to end up going South for winter...'