Nature Avoider Pillows

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

'If that's the wild, I'm not in.'

Too posh to wash...

'Nature makes me nervous!'

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

Good News about winter

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

'I beat the 5 o'clock rush... I leave work at noon!'

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

"Cool bonfire app, man."

"I prefer the mountains to the beach. I feel like less of a cow.''

Evergreen Estates

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

"Apparently, my self-driving car doesn't like driving in the snow, because it took it upon itself to drive 1,200 miles to somewhere warm while I wasn't paying attention."

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

Danger Signs.

"Don't tell the boss, but I'm leaving early to beat the traffic."

'My goodness, is it fall already, Ms. Smyrka?'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Lawyers don't go to the beach, because cats try to bury them.

"Don't just pin this on me. You didn't want to kill the spider either."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

Good parenting.

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

"This is a great investment, as long as you're not in it for the thrills and chills."