City Avoider Gifts

'I went to the city once, but I couldn't get used to the crowds'.

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

Good News about winter

Crowded Ice Fishing

A man looks up at the earth

'I beat the 5 o'clock rush... I leave work at noon!'

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

Blok drives by New York City.

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"If the universe is expanding, that's all the more reason to get back to the city."

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

"Tarzan no want computer."

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

Right Here

'It's not flying I'm afraid of -- it's driving to the airport!'

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

"I'm burning my little black dresses and moving upstate."

"Don't tell the boss, but I'm leaving early to beat the traffic."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"You love gloating, don't you?"

"Gah! Too many people!"

'No, you're the first mayor to ask me to spray that over their city to protect it from global warming.'

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

We moved to the sea to get away from the crowd, only to find they'd moved to the sea.