Snow Avoider Gifts

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"Apparently, my self-driving car doesn't like driving in the snow, because it took it upon itself to drive 1,200 miles to somewhere warm while I wasn't paying attention."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Good News about winter

'I beat the 5 o'clock rush... I leave work at noon!'

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"Cool bonfire app, man."

L.A.: Still No Pro Football

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

Oil man gets oil for his car directly from oil well.

"Don't tell the boss, but I'm leaving early to beat the traffic."

You're right. Winter in Florida sounds better every year.

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

'No, it's true, I've never seen snow... I always seem to end up going South for winter...'

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

'Joe doesn't like the sun... he prefers the shade!'

Indoor sauna.

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

'Nature makes me nervous!'

Too posh to wash...

'Because it's here and not 29,000 sodding feet up in the Himalayas, that's why!'

"I told you not to order the eggs sunny side up!"

"What abouts...the ones who are allergic to all these service animals?"

"I've been down here 50 years, but you'd never know it. Staying out of the sun has kept my skin fresh, firm and wrinkle-free."

Virtual priority

'The sad thing is, Jonah's so afraid of the water now, he won't even take a bath.'

'You're going to ruin your eyes in this light!'

Not yet started roamin'.

'My last book did not have a happy ending. I had to pay a fine.'