Rookie Renovator Gifts

Valerie began to suspect that Brian hadn't laid a carpet before.

Painting by the numbers for adults

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Painting the Ceiling

'I found the termites!'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"We can be old-timey office workers for Halloween."

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

The Old Woman was thrilled to bits with her shoestring budget makeover!!

'How are you doing on your side?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

House Painter gets stuck to the ceiling.

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

"I thought this was a do it YOURself project."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

"When does the improvement part of this improvement project kick in?"

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

Homes for sale - some assembly required.

'I know it's hard to believe, but before this, I'd never built a thing!'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

'I've spent the last 20 years modernising the house and now you say it looks old-fashioned!'

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

Paterfamilias prefers his own bedroom (which the whitewashers have just left) to the discomfort of an hotel.

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"