Rookie Renovator T-Shirts

Valerie began to suspect that Brian hadn't laid a carpet before.

Painting by the numbers for adults

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Painting the Ceiling

'I found the termites!'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

"We can be old-timey office workers for Halloween."

The Old Woman was thrilled to bits with her shoestring budget makeover!!

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'How are you doing on your side?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

House Painter gets stuck to the ceiling.

"I thought this was a do it YOURself project."

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

"When does the improvement part of this improvement project kick in?"

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

Homes for sale - some assembly required.

'I know it's hard to believe, but before this, I'd never built a thing!'

'I've spent the last 20 years modernising the house and now you say it looks old-fashioned!'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

'...and you may notice a few of the previous owner's personal touches.'

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.