Urban Renovator Gifts

Cleaning up the mess...

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

Painting by the numbers for adults

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Painting the Ceiling

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'Welcome! You are now in Shambles!'

"It's a mixed-use facility: retail space, low-rent housing, luxury apartments, and an area set aside for making steel."

City Centre Development - "...We've spent all the money on the model."

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'How are you doing on your side?'

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

"I thought this was a do it YOURself project."

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

Medellin erases the image of Escobar

Snedly and Snedly, the first company to leave the city, and take their buiding with them.

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

Eric Adams Caricature

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

Man buys 'Do It Yourself' helper.

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

'I've spent the last 20 years modernising the house and now you say it looks old-fashioned!'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'