Romance Renegade Pillows

'To save you time, I bought my Valentine card. All you have to do is put a check in it.'

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

"Oh, yes, Paul—whisper sweet sponsored content in my ear."

Cupid with Gun

Tunnel of True Love

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

'Dinner and a movie? — I can do better than that on E-Bay!'

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

Female Dominance.

'The service station was out of flowers so I got you some Valentine's day engine oil'

'Well how do you like that? She turned down my marriage proposal.'

'Do I look as though I want to play Monopoly?'

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

My funny Valentine

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

Hiding the electronics.

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

The Bland Leading the Bland

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

"That's my performance review!? Two thumbs up?"

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

'Well, yes, when you put it that way, I am a selfish male afraid of commitment, but 'Lone Wolf' sounds better...'

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

Marriage therapist's office is filled with erotic art.

"I want you to start thinking back inside the box."

Exams

"Where do you keep the non-educational stuff?"

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

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Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.