Romance Philosopher Gifts

"Love comes and goes, Janet, but this is true co-dependency!"

'When it comes to marriage, I'm a failure - but I'm very good at honeymoons!'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

"How can you be sure you really love somebody?"

"Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to acknowledge the fact that no other person will ever be capable of erasing that feeling of utter existential loneliness eating away at us at night when we can't fall asleep."

ACME DATING SERVICE, 'Do you take trade-ins?'

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"All a cat CAN do is strive for authenticity."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"Moulting"

"Now that was post-modern sex."

Scurile travels

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

'Isn't that wonderful? We both suffer from intellectual angst!'

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."